駱日大道Rakuda Boulevard

Do people really know what they are and what they really want? NO!! Many people do not.

What do people do the best to themselves? Lying!! They lie to themselves.

【Journal】

　　Dad is in Raleigh staying with my aunt.
　　Mom is doing fine by me staying away.
　　Career is changing, as I am tired of being lack of money.
　　Love is settled, but no longer is an important issue.
　　New cool home is found, so I will be moving in the end of April.　　
　　I MISS U, as you are always my cool friend.

【Journal】Who am I?

　　A question pops up in my head everyday…

　　Perhaps, not knowing what’s my name is not my problem, but not realising how I want to be.

　　Therefore, I write to study myself.

【Journal】According to the opinions reported, the newcomer is impolite, self-isolated, cruel joker, cool……
　　If saying I am not in tardy, I would nod about it.
　　However, I think the above-mentioned are not quite true.
　　I greet my colleagues in the morning even the cleaning lady.
　　I thank every single favor from others.
　　I have small talks when meeting them and nice conversations with some of them.
　　I am one always being picked and jokes.
　　Is “cool” a compliment?

　　I understand that I am not a slick or social person who is good at communicating with people.
　　However, I want to make it clear that I am here to work, not gathering, and I’m not a bunny girl to entertain people.
　　Also I don’t need a after work Karaoke to communicate with my colleague.
　　I don’t see gossip at pantry as a gift to people.
　　At work, human affairs is what I care the least; being adorable to everyone is not what I want the most.
　　I agreed good communication with people can somehow smoothen my work, so I give sufficient chitchats.
　　However, relationship sees not on the mock faces, but in the hearts.

【Journal】Tears keep pouring without stopping since last night.

　　Not crying, not sobbing, they just keep dropping sick.

　　If all the person has are only tears, would you still love her?

　　If all this blog has are only tears, would you still read it?

　　I hate myself; I hate it here.

【Journal】I started to grow garlic for fun last week.
　　Amazingly, it germinated and grew quickly in a week.
　　I was glad seeing it grew like that.
　　Unfortunately, it was not an easy creature as it stank.
　　Even people having serious nasal obstruction like me could smell its faint garlic smell.
　　The man at home said the smell disgusted him and he want to throw up after dinner.
　　Since we were both bothered by the stinky smell, it is not accepted for our apartment anymore.
　　As a result, I dumped it.
　　He requested to dump the soil, the pot…everything as well, in order to root out all evil.
　　Pretty mean.
　　I saw him staying far away in his room, silent protest.
　　A thought came to my mind: Perhaps, I am that super evil should be rooted out.

　　Usually silent protest can be quite effective, as long as you have the power.
　　However, in my case, it is hard to be achieved.
　　Does anyone see my silent protest?
　　Does anyone care about my silent protest?
　　Or, is my silent protest not mean enough?

　　When I was notified about teammate’s annual leave, I was kind of mad about the late notification.
　　However, I calmed down immediately after deep thought about the consequences of it.
　　The chief resigned.
　　It’s sad that everyone emphasized it would be politically alright to substitute him, and nobody cares about the late notification.
　　That means he is not so important that it’s fine without him.

【Journal】There are plenty of things in my life, that I always struggle.

　　Last year my elite master, a fan of my writings, said that “tired of reading your stuff”.
　　Therefore, I shut down my entire blog which stuffed with all my truly words, and stopped writing for a while.
　　When I was depressed about career and relationship, this tiny wonderland saved me from deep cliff and kept me from falling.
　　It helps defending that tiny “self” left for me.
　　When every day it reminds me so much about who I am; I question myself if I really can express my thoughts freely?
　　If I could not treat it honestly, I want to give up on it.

　　Hence, a friend from the Internet…
　　She started going to gradate school at NC State by the time I was graduated from there.
　　Finally, I got a chance to meet her during my trip visiting Raleigh in December last year.
　　It ended up I found that she was one of the subscribers of my E-journal a couple years ago.
　　As she liked my writings, she tracked me down on the MSN Messenger.
　　I bear this tiny matter in mind; therefore, this blog remains and survives from my struggles.

　　There is another active reader suggested me to write down my thoughts everyday and keep up with this journal as a practice.
　　Some good friends know about my writings, then come and throw out their ideas as supports.
　　I appreciate you all.