駱日大道Rakuda Boulevard

【 駱日記】

　　據上報的民意調查資料所得，新來的編輯無禮?、不合群、又串、又酷…..

　　若說我遲到，我可是大力的點頭承認，可是我則覺得以上的說法不盡不實。我連清潔的馬姐也有點頭說早安，別人夾來的一著菜我也說謝謝；看見誰也寒喧幾句，志趣相投的更是天南地北；通常我是被嘲笑戲弄的一個；酷不是一個褒詞嗎？

　　我很清楚自己不是一個面面俱圓的人，說話直腸直肚，人事是我最脆弱的一環。可是要清楚一點，我是來工作，不是來聯誼，也不是歡樂小姐；我不需要工餘K來跟同事溝通；也不會在Pantry 以是非作見面禮。

　　工作上，人事不是我最關心在乎的，人心不是我最想得到的。我同意跟同事溝通得好，做起事來會比較順暢，因而我只作適量的寒喧。人與人相交是要看緣份，不是看虛假面孔。

【Journal】Tears keep pouring without stopping since last night.

　　Not crying, not sobbing, they just keep dropping sick.

　　If all the person has are only tears, would you still love her?

　　If all this blog has are only tears, would you still read it?

　　I hate myself; I hate it here.

【不是詩】

　　昨夜開始至現在淚一直流，沒有停。

　　沒有哭，沒有泣，淚病態地一直流。

　　如果這個人只有淚，你還愛她嗎？

　　如果這個網頁只有淚，你還愛看嗎？

　　我討厭這個自己，我討厭這個地方。

【Journal】I started to grow garlic for fun last week.
　　Amazingly, it germinated and grew quickly in a week.
　　I was glad seeing it grew like that.
　　Unfortunately, it was not an easy creature as it stank.
　　Even people having serious nasal obstruction like me could smell its faint garlic smell.
　　The man at home said the smell disgusted him and he want to throw up after dinner.
　　Since we were both bothered by the stinky smell, it is not accepted for our apartment anymore.
　　As a result, I dumped it.
　　He requested to dump the soil, the pot…everything as well, in order to root out all evil.
　　Pretty mean.
　　I saw him staying far away in his room, silent protest.
　　A thought came to my mind: Perhaps, I am that super evil should be rooted out.

　　Usually silent protest can be quite effective, as long as you have the power.
　　However, in my case, it is hard to be achieved.
　　Does anyone see my silent protest?
　　Does anyone care about my silent protest?
　　Or, is my silent protest not mean enough?

　　When I was notified about teammate’s annual leave, I was kind of mad about the late notification.
　　However, I calmed down immediately after deep thought about the consequences of it.
　　The chief resigned.
　　It’s sad that everyone emphasized it would be politically alright to substitute him, and nobody cares about the late notification.
　　That means he is not so important that it’s fine without him.

【駱日記】

　　上星期我一時貪玩，將蒜頭放入泥裡種。不到一星期便發芽，且快高長大。看見牠每天都增高，心裡快慰。不幸的是，牠的種族並非善男信女，蒜味難擋，連有嚴重鼻塞的我也嗅到幽幽「蒜除」。家裡的人一臉不悅地說，氣味令他飯後想吐。既然我們一致都嫌棄牠，便不能再收留牠了。結果，我把蒜頭草扔掉。他更要求斬草除根，連盆連土一併扔出屋外，真夠絕。看見他躲到老遠的書房，懊惱地無聲抗議，我有一刻閃過腦海：或許，更應該扔掉的是我這個罪魁禍首。

　　無聲抗議通常相當奏效，只要你肯定有足夠的籌碼。然而，以我這個小女人而言，倒有點難度。有沒有人看到我的無聲抗議？又或者有沒有人在意我的無聲抗議？又或我的無聲抗議不夠狠，不夠絕？

　　得悉隊友請長假，本有些氣憤交代太晚，但仔細想想其影響性，即時心情又平服過來。首領要退下，最感悲哀的是大家都強調能平穩過度，不受影響，更不介意交代得太晚。這代表 他並不重要，不是無他不可。

【Journal】There are plenty of things in my life, that I always struggle.

　　Last year my elite master, a fan of my writings, said that “tired of reading your stuff”.
　　Therefore, I shut down my entire blog which stuffed with all my truly words, and stopped writing for a while.
　　When I was depressed about career and relationship, this tiny wonderland saved me from deep cliff and kept me from falling.
　　It helps defending that tiny “self” left for me.
　　When every day it reminds me so much about who I am; I question myself if I really can express my thoughts freely?
　　If I could not treat it honestly, I want to give up on it.

　　Hence, a friend from the Internet…
　　She started going to gradate school at NC State by the time I was graduated from there.
　　Finally, I got a chance to meet her during my trip visiting Raleigh in December last year.
　　It ended up I found that she was one of the subscribers of my E-journal a couple years ago.
　　As she liked my writings, she tracked me down on the MSN Messenger.
　　I bear this tiny matter in mind; therefore, this blog remains and survives from my struggles.

　　There is another active reader suggested me to write down my thoughts everyday and keep up with this journal as a practice.
　　Some good friends know about my writings, then come and throw out their ideas as supports.
　　I appreciate you all.

【駱日記】

　　生活中，意興闌珊的東西很多。
　　去年我的伯樂，我最忠實的讀者說了一句「討厭讀你的東西了」。我便忍痛把在明日報新聞台裡最真心的文字刪去，告別網上的文字生活一陣子。在我事業與愛情最低潮時，這個自製的小小網頁又把我從暗谷拉起，支撐著我，保衛著僅餘的一點「我」。

　　當它每天都提醒我，我是誰；我每天都質疑，我還可如實寫出自己的內心世界嗎？不能坦白面對，我多次想放棄這裡。

　　然後，一位網友……我畢業那年離開北卡州立時，她剛進去修碩士課。去年12月回大學校園探望，突兀跑去跟她碰面。那才發現原來她是我從前電子報的讀者，因喜歡我寫的東西而追縱我至MSN Messenger。這宗小事，我記在心裡，這個網頁亦因此逃過了一場滅門之災。

　　最近，又有一位讀者在留言板留言，他要我每天都寫寫來練筆。身邊好友知道我寫作的動向，都來給意見，鼓勵鼓勵。我衷心謝謝你們。